Chaotic Zoo Blog

It's Been a Long Day

2010-10-05T04:14:56Z

After the bad news from this afternoon, I basically spent the rest of the day alternately crying and sleeping. Not healthy, I know. I guess the one liberating thing about the news is that I'm not obsessing over every symptom as much. I've had enough to "feel" pregnant (to the point where both this time and last time I was able to tell that my tests were going to be positive), and my symptoms have been coming and going, which has been freaking me out. Today happens to be one of those days where I haven't had much in the way of symptoms, and I don't know if they'll come back or if this is the beginning of the end.

]]> I don't know if it's bad that I've already started to distance myself from this pregnancy, but I almost feel like I have to for the sake of my sanity. There's a part of me that's still hoping, praying for a miracle, and I'm going to let that part stick around, but part of me needs to mentally move on, at least so I'm not just sitting around poking my boobs all day.

One of the things I need to start mentally moving on with is looking for a job, or at least figuring out my plans for the next part of my career. I've been putting it on the back burner not just because I'm enjoying the "vacation" but also because I keep thinking, "I'll get pregnant first, and then I'll worry about the job stuff." But it's obviously not happening as soon as I hoped.

We still have three frozen embryos left, and I assume we'll try another transfer with those. It's hard not to be discouraged about our odds given what's happened these last two times. And if that still doesn't work, then we're not sure what's next. If we do IVF again, it'll likely be at another clinic. Trying naturally is an option, but it's a long, possibly painful road. Then again, IVF hasn't been a peach either, and I'm not sure how many times I want to pump myself with hormones.

But, I need to get through this first. So for now I'm going to hug my hubby and watch TV and try to get a little peace of mind.

Beta #3 - Not Good News

2010-10-04T21:44:30Z

I got my results from my third blood test from this morning, and it's not good news. My HCG levels only went up to 126, which is still too slow a rise (it's even a bit slower than it was last week). My doctor says at this point the chances of the pregnancy making it are slim. She gave me the option of continuing my shots for another three days, which I'm going to do, and get re-tested on Thursday.

]]> I'm worried too that it might be an ectopic pregnancy, but I guess we'll see what happens Thursday. In some ways this is worse than last time, because it's dragging out for so long and we keep getting hopeful only to have it squashed.

I just don't get it. I don't understand what keeps going wrong.

Beta #2

2010-10-01T23:12:17Z

Got my blood work (beta) results from this morning - my HCG level went up to 67.9. A nice doubling from 43 would have been preferred, but doubling times can average 48-72 hours, and this increase corresponds to about a 73 hour doubling time, so it's right on the cusp of the higher end. So my doctor is still pretty guarded, but it's at least going up. She says the odds are about 50%, maybe a little better, but there's really no way of knowing. My next blood test is Monday.

]]> So I'm a little bit relieved today, just in the sense that at least there was an increase. I'm not going to get excited, but the last two days have been pretty stressful, as I've been obsessing over every symptom and (foolishly) taking multiple home pregnancy tests and obsessing over how dark the lines are.

Anyways, the goal this weekend is to take it easy and try not to get too worried about things. Maybe I'll spend time blogging, ha!

Absent Blogger

2010-09-30T17:57:49Z

Well, I keep meaning to update this time, but I've just been so mentally preoccupied lately. I never even got a chance to write about Maui, which I'll try to do later. But IVF has taken up my time mentally and physically since we've gotten back, as we had our frozen cycle. We transferred three embryos, and I had my blood test yesterday. The result? I'm pregnant, but my HCG number is a little on the low side - 43. Significantly better than the 13 I got last time, and the doctor that called even congratulated me, but my second blood test tomorrow will be key. If it's good, I'll let myself get a little excited about it. Right now I'm just trying not to stress and obsess about it. In the meantime, I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Any vibes, good thoughts, prayers, etc you can send our way is appreciated. We need it!

]]> As for other stuff, Riker is doing well, although I feed bad that I haven't been able to really do much with him lately as I've been trying to stay off my feet. He's getting bigger, but I don't think he's going to be as big as Bandit. The two of them still play all the time, and he's just a cutie. He loves our neighbor's kids too, which is a good thing.

Well, it feels good to update this thing. Thanks to Cynthia for the nudge!

Blah

2010-08-23T00:51:46Z

So I haven't updated this blog in weeks - part of the reason is because I was sick for almost two weeks, and the other part, to be honest, is because I just don't have a ton of positive things to say these days. For the last few months I feel like I keep getting kicked in the gut, and I'm just way emotionally fatigued these days. Yesterday was no exception.

]]> My ex-coworker Christine asked me to make a cake for an engagement party she was hosting. I spent all of last week working on it. It turned out pretty nice - a two-tier silhouette cake. The party was in SF, so on Saturday afternoon, Marc drove me up there - I rode in the passenger seat with the cake on my lap.

Somewhere in Castro Valley, a car next to us on the freeway was wanting to change lanes. I was about to tell Marc to slow down and let them in, when the car decided to just go ahead and start merging into our lane, which caused Marc to have to slam on the brakes. I'm sure you can guess what happened next. The cake slid forward on the base I was carrying, and went flying into the dash.

I FREAKED OUT. The side of the cake that had gone into the dash was the side that had all the decorations. The names that I had carefully written on the cake base were completely obliterated. One quarter of the bottom tier was completely smashed in. I think I was in shock at first, and then I literally started freaking out.

We pulled off the freeway and parked in a McDonald's parking lot. By that point I had turned into a blubbering, inconsolable mess. I don't know if I would have reacted this way normally, but the fact that so many things have happened over these past few months that have just devastated me, well this felt like the straw that broke the camel's back.

I sat there for a while before I regained some semblance of composure, and took a look at the cake. The other side of it was mostly fine, except for the fact that the impact had caused the top layer of the bottom tier to shift slightly, so the walls of the cake weren't perfectly flat. The silhouette figures, even though they had taken the brunt of the impact, were surprisingly mostly intact. So I carefully removed them from that side of the cake, and moved them around to the side that was still intact.

We called Christine, and told her what happened, and asked if she still wanted us to bring it up. It wasn't pretty, and I was mortified by it, but I also hated to have the whole thing go to waste. So we drove up to the city and dropped it off. I didn't charge her, of course.

I'm mostly recovered from the trauma today (I've pretty much realized that "normal" for me these days is vastly different from what normal was for me two years ago). The cake apparently went over well, and no one really noticed the damage, and Christine said the woman that's hosting the bridal shower is interested in having me make a cake for that as well. So I guess that's one bright spot.

In other news, I'm feeling physically much better now. My blood levels are going up, which is good. We ended up having to cancel our planned transfer on the doctor's advice, because they felt it was less than ideal with me being so anemic (of course, right? There's a cosmic monkey wrench with my name on it, I swear). So our transfer won't be until late September. This time we're likely going to transfer three, which is all we got from this cycle (we started out with more eggs, but didn't end up with as many blastocysts, which I have no idea why, other than that my life sucks). We had 8 blasts, 5 of which were affected, because apparently statistics don't apply to us, and we're forever doomed to have more affected embryos than unaffected even though it should be 50/50.

So maybe if we transfer 3, we'll have some luck. My doctor feels the chance of triplets is very, very low, given my history (it's unusual to transfer more than 2 for someone my age, but again, given our history). I can't even put into words how badly I need this to work, because I'm just tired of all the emotional bullshit (and yeah, I won't elaborate on why, but I'm convinced the universe is conspiring to hurt me as much as possible) and I'd like to feel normal again. I've realized that "normal" for me these days is vastly different from what normal was for me 2 years ago.

Anyways. I don't think I've even had a chance to talk about our new border collie puppy. He comes from herding lines, and so far he's pretty awesome. We named him Riker (after Commander Riker from "Star Trek: TNG", because he's "second in command") and he's been a nice bright spot for us. He's a really great dog, and he's picking up on things pretty quickly. Part of it is the fact that he follows whatever Bandit does, so he's picking up on things that way. The two of them play constantly, and I was pleasantly surprised that Bandit was not only very tolerant of him after the first day, but that he also seems to enjoy playing with the puppy. He's been a great big brother so far.

Our Maui trip is also coming up, so I'm really looking forward to that. I'm sad that we're going to miss some of Riker's growing up, but I think it'll be good to get away. And it's Hawaii, so of course that'll be awesome.

Tardy on the Update

2010-08-06T16:32:41Z

I had promised to have the recap of Day 2 of Comic Con up on Tuesday, but that obviously didn't happen. I had my retrieval Tuesday morning and was planning on blogging from bed, but I've been feeling like hell since, and not really up to pulling out the laptop.

]]> When I left the clinic on Tuesday, I wasn't feeling too bad, but the minute I got in the car I started feeling a lot of pain, which didn't subside for the rest of the day. Tylenol didn't help, and we eventually called the doctor on call who gave me a prescription for Vicodin. That helped a little more, but I was still basically bed-ridden.

I took a hot bath which helped with the pain, but almost passed out trying to get out of the bath. Luckily Marc was with me the whole day - it was hard to even go from the bed to the bathroom without getting short of breath and nearly fainting. On top of that, I couldn't eat or drink much, because it resulted in vomiting.

Wednesday was a little better, but not that much. My doctor called in the morning and wanted to see me that day. She did a scan, and it didn't look like I was building up an unusual amount of fluid (even though I was pretty bloated), but my bloodwork showed that I was pretty anemic, so internal bleeding was a possibility.

I've been feeling a little better each day, and today I feel pretty decent. My pain is better, and I don't think I'm as out of breath as I have been. They still want me to go in for bloodwork this afternoon, and hopefully the anemia has improved. Poor Marc has had to miss three days of work to look after me, and the poor dogs are probably going stir-crazy. Just an awful, awful recovery this time.

On the upside, they did get 25 eggs, 22 of which fertilized (88% rate, best yet), and things are looking pretty good on Day 3. Hopefully we'll have a good number of nice blastocysts on Sunday.

Comic Con Day 1

2010-08-03T04:13:05Z

So, I started typing this up last week, and just never got around to finishing it. So my Comic Con wrap-up here is super late. Anyways, I had an awesome time at Comic Con! I don't know that I can say the same for Marc, but he was a really good sport and kept me company for the two days we were there. It was insanely crowded there (I think 120,000 people in attendance), so walking the exhibit floor wasn't the most fun experience. I did, however, get to cross a couple things off my bucket list, so I was happy!

]]> We flew down to San Diego on Friday morning (after my 7am doctor's appointment). Marc and I each packed a backpack and a small overnight bag, which we were able to check at the convention center. Of course, right after we picked up our registration badges, they handed us these ginormous bags for carrying freebies and stuff. And when I say, ginormous, I mean GINORMOUS. If I set the bag down, it came up to above my waist. I should've taken a picture. Needless to say, they are so big, that people in the past have cut the bags up and made outfits out of them.

So we walked the exhibit floor first, and it was crazy crowded. The San Diego Convention Center has a huge exhibit floor, but it was still impossible to walk around without constantly bumping into people and occasionally resorting to shuffling through like cattle. I think the convention definitely needs to move to a bigger facility.

WB (the studio) had a huge booth, and they were holding autograph sessions with casts of various TV shows and movies all day. The first was "True Blood," and I had hoped to get in the signing line for that, but the crowd was insane. There were literally hundreds of people crowded around, waiting for the line to open. At this point I think there were about 4 unofficial "lines" and it was complete chaos. I could tell Marc's patience was wearing thin, fast, so I said, the hell with it, I didn't need the autographs that badly. I like the show, but I'm not a fanatic.

So we walked around the convention floor instead, checking out the different booths, which was still not an easy feat with all the people there. I totally struck out on getting swag - it was just too hard to figure out what was where. We went back to the WB booth while the "True Blood" signing was going on and checked out the actors while they were doing the signing. I wanted to get pictures, but it was still too packed to get a clear shot.

Around 3:30 we got in one of the unofficial lines that was forming around the booth for the signing I was really interested in, which was for "V." Elizabeth Mitchell and Morena Baccarin were signing that day at 5:15. We were close to the front of one of the unofficial lines when one of the security people there told us that they basically weren't pulling people from the unofficial line into the official line, and suggested that we pretty much just wanted to be close by when they opened the official line. In other words, complete disorganization.

So we moved to another "line" that was just as close by. We stood there for a while (and ended up in the front of this line, when some people left), when I observed a bunch of the security people standing around the line we had been in earlier, and I decided to go and find out what was going on.

One of the guards I spoke to told me that they had now made that line the official unofficial line, and that it was already closed and capped off at 42 people. I about died. I told him that we were just in that line, and that another security person had told us to move (not entirely the truth, I know, but close enough) to the other side. He told me to talk to this other guy, who was one of the security managers.

So I went to this guy and explained my situation, and apparently another girl was there with the same problem, pleading her case. At first it seemed dire, but then he said, "okay, let me see what I can do." He then took myself, Marc, the girl and another guy who was also in our line and said, "Okay, you guys are 43, 44, 45, and 46. That's it, you're the end of the line. Don't let anyone else in behind you." I almost melted in a puddle of relief.

In the end, it actually didn't matter as much, because they ended up opening the line to more people, I think for a total of 80 or so.

I'd brought my "Lost" DVD's in hope of getting Elizabeth Mitchell to sign them for me. Originally she was supposed to be doing the signing alone, but now with Morena Baccarin there, I didn't know if it would be rude to bring my DVDs from a show she wasn't on. So I ended up just having them both autograph the poster they provided. I didn't get a picture either, as they didn't allow us to use cameras. I think they were trying to make sure they kept the lines going.

I totally had a spaz moment, because when it was my turn and I was standing in front of the two ladies, I just stood there and smiled for a second before I realized they were waiting for me to tell them my name. I dumbly said, "Oh!" and held up my badge for them to see. Both looked at my badge and said, "Oh, Bonnie!" I think they were both thinking I was going to have a complicated name, since I held up my badge instead of just telling them my name like a normal person, lol.

I told them I loved the show (creative, I know), and they both thanked me, and when they finished I told Elizabeth Mitchell congrats on her Emmy nomination. She looked at me and said, "Thank you, Bonnie! Thank you!" She seemed super nice and genuine. Both ladies were stunning in person too, maybe even more so than on TV, which is just not fair.

After I got my treasured autograph (although I didn't care about the autograph so much as getting the chance to meet my favorite "Lost" actress in person), we went to get in line for one of the last panels of the day. I didn't even think we were going to get in, the line was so long, but we did.

We then met up with my cousin Mark and his partner Chris for dinner. We ate at this Cajun restaurant that was pretty good - my pasta was super spicy though! They dropped us off at our hotel afterwards, and Marc and I both showered and crashed for the night. We were exhausted!

Will re-cap Day 2 in another post tomorrow, as this is way too long.

Comic Con Week!

2010-07-21T01:18:48Z

This Friday we leave for San Diego and Comic Con! We'll be there for two days, flying back late Saturday night. I don't know yet exactly what we're going to see, since a lot of it's going to depend on the lines to get into the panels and autograph sessions.

]]> In the meantime, I'm still enjoying unemployment. Time seems to go by so much faster these days - I feel like the days go by before I even know it. I've been getting a few projects around the house done at least, but I'm not nearly as productive as I hoped I would be. The fact that I've been catching up on "True Blood" probably doesn't help. I'm almost done with season 2 now - it's a good show, although as vampire shows go, I don't think it's as clever as "Buffy" was. It's definitely enjoyable though.

I had a dentist appointment today to get my new crown put in. Again. I went in last week for it, but there was a problem with it, so they had to send it back. I have a feeling I'm going to have to go back for it again. It's in, but it doesn't quite feel right. I'm going to give it a few days to see if it starts feeling better. I'm beyond annoyed with this process by now.

Speaking of annoyances, I think that girl that was doing the bad blood draws at my clinic is no longer working there. I haven't seen her in any of my recent appointments. I feel badly for her (if she was indeed fired), but she was really kind of terrible at her job.

Last Friday I hosted poker night for Jan and a bunch of other ladies. I won $27 (I put in $10, so it was a net of $17)! We had pizza, snacks and margaritas - all in all, it was a fun time. Although after one drink my brain totally went slushy.

Saturday we went to the Giants game - Marc and I got there at around 3:30 (the game started at 6:05). We got there early to get in the HUGE line for the Tim Lincecum bobblehead giveaway they were doing. There were 3 lines, and there were thousands of people in line already by the time we got there. Some people had apparently been in line since 7 am (which is crazy, as they were giving away 20,000 of them). My brothers didn't get there until 5 or so, and they still managed to get bobbleheads, so we really didn't need to get in line that early. I was super excited to get mine though!

We sat in Club level, which was pretty nice. And the game was great - the Giants won 8-4. Had a blast that night!

Catching Up

2010-07-12T19:43:20Z

Wow, lots to catch up on. Will try to be succinct so that this doesn't end up being a 20-page essay!

]]> The Friday before the 4th was the day we were planning on heading out to Disneyland. The plan was that we'd leave in the evening, after Elaine got home from work. Marc was going to go in and do a half day of work, so that morning he took Bandit with him to drop him off at my parents' house.

Marc decided to take the Mustang that day, since we were driving the TL down to D-land. I was still sleeping when the phone started ringing around 7 am, a short while after Marc had left. When I finally answered the phone, it was Marc, telling me that he was stuck on the Sunol Grade with a flat tire. And because they were doing construction, there was no shoulder, and the car was sitting in the middle of the right lane. He couldn't get it to move any further.

Needless to say, it was a pretty scary situation. Cars usually try to pass trucks on that stretch of the Grade on the right-hand side, so there were all these cars that were coming into his lane at 80 mph, realizing the Mustang was stopped there, and quickly braking and swerving back into the other lane. So Marc had to climb out of the car from the passenger side and carry Bandit over the concrete barrier and off the freeway.

It didn't take too long for the emergency freeway tow truck to arrive, and the driver took Marc, Bandit and the car to a gas station in Fremont. From there, the tow truck driver from AAA picked them up and drove them to the tire store in Dublin. They ended up having the cut the tire off of the rim, because it was starting to catch on the fender (it caused a little damage there, but not a lot, thankfully).

I went and met them at the tire store, and miraculously, the rim wasn't bent or out of round, and they were able to just put a new tire (at a cost of $600!) on it. Bandit seemed to be enjoying the adventure, and he discovered all sorts of new sounds - the tow truck driver's walkie-talkie, the pneumatic nut driver. Marc ended up taking the TL to drop off the dog and go to work, albeit about 3 hours late.

So after that adventure, we managed to leave as planned later that evening, and got down to Disneyland at around 2 am. Marc and I stayed at the Grand Californian, and got a complimentary upgrade to our room, but there was some glitch and our reservation was listed as being for 3 adults, so we ended up with a room with two double beds instead of a king. The first night we thought it would be fun to sleep in separate beds - the second night we decided to sleep in the same bed, but in the middle of the night I woke up to find that Marc had gone back to sleeping in the other bed - he felt too cramped!

We had a fun time in Disneyland - we watched the fireworks on Saturday, and on Sunday we watched the new World of Color show at California Adventure. It was really cool. It was a huge water fountain show, with video from most of the animated features (starting from Beauty and the Beast) projected on to giant water/mist curtains. This was accompanied by the music from the movies. It doesn't sound like much, but it was super impressive. We all liked it more than the fireworks.

The highlight, for me, was when Marc won me a large plush Bullseye (from Toy Story) from one of the carnival games. It was one of those horse racing games where you try to roll a ball to get your horse to move a number of spaces - the four of us were all going to play together, but somehow Marc got blocked out and couldn't get a seat. So I played with Elaine and Dean, and Elaine won. Marc played in the next round without us - it wasn't looking good for him, but somehow he won! Seriously made my day, lol. I had bought a stuffed Woody the day before, so now I had a Bullseye to go with him!

We drove back Monday afternoon - traffic was considerably worse than the drive down, and it took us almost 7 hours to get home. But it was a good, fun trip!

The day after we got back we picked up a litter of small kittens to foster - there are four of them, and they are totally adorable. I'll post pictures as soon as I can get non-blurry pictures of all of them.

Alright, time to get some work done around the house.

Cake, Cupcakes and Comic Con

2010-06-30T23:57:08Z

Things have been pretty crazy busy lately. Marc's been busy at work, and I've been pretty busy, well, not at work. Today was the first day that I've pretty much done nothing because I was stuck at home waiting for my medication delivery, which I had to sign for. So I spent my morning at the computer, refreshing the Comic Con website incessantly to try to buy some tickets for the con. I managed to get Friday and Saturday passes for both Marc and I, booked airfare (which only cost $25 thanks to a voucher I had from a previous cancelled trip), and booked a hotel. So I guess I actually was somewhat productive.

]]> I spent most of my Friday working on the cake for my Grandmother's birthday (she turned 92). I ended up staying up until 5:30 am working on it, thanks in large part to the fact that I had to try three different filling recipes before I found one that I liked, and thanks to my confirming that pasteurized egg whites do not, in fact, whip up enough to make meringue.

I woke up at 9:30 am on Saturday and continued working on the cake, finally finishing it at 4 pm. Dinner was that evening, but as I was showering, my mom called to tell me that my grandmother was going to the hospital because of hypoglycemia (she's diabetic). Apparently she had a urinary tract infection that was causing her body to burn through glucose. So unfortunately, dinner and her birthday celebration was cancelled.

She finally went home yesterday, and seems to be better, thankfully. They gave her antibiotics for the infection and got her glucose level stabilized. We ended up having a family lunch on Sunday at my aunt's house, and I brought the cake with me then. We ended up having to wrap it up and seal it so that we could put it in the fridge Saturday night. Fondant doesn't usually deal with refrigeration well, as it tends to sweat as it warms up, so I had to babysit it with a blow dryer on cool to keep it dry.

The cake itself turned out pretty well! My petunias looked good, and I was able to get the two tiers together without much drama. The only tough part was doing the drop strings - I definitely need to get more practice on those.

(I ended up showing my grandmother a picture of the cake when I went to visit her in the hospital - it wasn't quite the same though!)

After lunch, we out for dinner with Steve and Erin and the kids for Erin's birthday. It was a hot day, but the hostess at the restaurant assured us that there was a nice breeze and that the outdoor patio seating would be nice. Unfortunately, there turned out to be no breeze at all, so it was pretty warm out there! We still had a nice time though.

On Monday I went to have lunch with some of my old coworkers in South San Francisco, then drove to the hospital to visit my grandmother. When I got home, I started working on the cupcakes that Marc needed for a work party. I ended up making six dozen cupcakes in three different flavors, with about six different combinations of flavors. Somewhere in there I made dinner too. I was up until 3 am working on the cupcakes. Late night baking isn't much fun.

I hung out with Cynthia on Tuesday (she has the week off). We had lunch, then went to see Knight and Day, which wasn't a masterpiece, but it was entertaining. We grabbed some boba tea after and went back to my house to play Mario Bros Wii. I think we played for like three hours - it was massively entertaining trying to play that game with two people. Then we drove down to Milpitas and met up with Marc and Steve (both coming from work) to have dinner. We both thought we could get used to this kind of arrangement if neither of us was working, haha.

Marc and I may be going down to Disneyland this weekend with Elaine and her boyfriend, Dean. It'll be nice to get away for a couple days. So, Disneyland, Comic Con, and at some point, Hawaii. Vacation plans for the rest of the year!

Piping Petunias

2010-06-23T22:47:03Z

I stayed up until 2 am last night piping about 30 petunias. This new batch was a lot better than the batch I did earlier - I switched to a bigger tip than the one Wilton recommended, and I think it worked better for me. My hand was super tired by the time I was done.

]]> I went out yesterday for lunch with Elaine and Leslie, and got to see Leslie and Maynard's new condo. They have gorgeous hardwood floors that have this nice, dark cherry finish. Got to see their wedding photos as well (they got married in Italy, and because we were doing IVF - as always, it seems - we couldn't go).

Today I went to the dentist to have a new crown put in. I've been putting off getting this done for a long time now, but finally decided to get it done. So I got the temporary one today and have to go back in two weeks to get the permanent. I think all my metal fillings are officially gone now, which is kind of nice.

So now I'm sitting at home waiting for the DirecTV guy to come to upgrade our service so that we can watch recorded programs from any of the DVRs on each TV (we have one in our bedroom and one in the family room). Marc got a good deal on the upgrade and also managed to get them to give us our HD for free for two years (since now they're offering free HD for life to new customers - and we were paying $10 a month for it!).

I've started watching "True Blood" - I downloaded the pilot off of iTunes and it was pretty good, so I'll probably start renting it from Blockbuster. I would go out and pick up a disc now, but I'm stuck here waiting for the DirecTV guy. :(

Oh well, time to go put the finishing touches on these petunias while I wait.

Oh, Hey

2010-06-23T08:18:08Z

So I've been reminded a couple times now that I have this blog that I never update these days. Sorry. I wasn't in much of a mood to write for a while, and not working makes my blogging even more irregular than it was before, ironically enough. But I'll try to make a better effort to update this on closer to a daily basis rather than a weekly one.

]]> We had a pretty nice weekend. Marc and I spent most of Saturday afternoon at Petsmart, trying to adopt out our two foster kittens. Our litter only had two boys, and one was black, while the other was white with gray tabby markings, so I decided to give them "LOST"-themed names, Jake (aka Jacob) and Smokey. I thought it was totally cute and clever, but no one at the adoption event got the reference. No "LOST" fans, I guess.

Adoptions that day were slow - there had been a huge adoption event the weekend before, and tons of kittens and cats had been adopted out. We missed it because I forgot to get the kittens tested, so I was kind of kicking myself for missing a golden opportunity to get these guys easily adopted out.

Anyways, we sat there for 4 hours, with no one really showing much interest in adopting our two guys. It didn't help that both kittens were totally freaked out. But, with about 15 minutes left to go, this family showed up looking for a kitten. The mom was looking at someone else's kittens, but one of her sons fell in love with Jake on first sight. All he kept saying was, "I want to get Jake." The older sons all seemed to really like Jake too, so mom and kids decided to get him.

I was reluctant to separate the two boys, and I was afraid it was going to make Smokey harder to adopt out (the poor black kitties are always tougher), but while I was handling the paperwork for Jake, a young lady came by that was looking for a kitten. I was lucky Marc was there, because he basically got Smokey adopted out - I totally would've been too busy and would've missed the opportunity. So at the last minute, we ended up finding homes for both boys!

I spent Saturday evening working on a cake for my dad for Father's Day. My dad is a big soccer fan, so I made a soccer-themed cake. The cake was chocolate cake with mocha cream filling and vanilla buttercream icing. I didn't have a ton of time to work on it, but I thought it turned out okay. I tried using spray color for the first time (rather than having to color all the fondant). It turned out pretty well once I got the hang of it.

My next project is a cake for my Grandmother's birthday this weekend. I've been piping petunias for the last two days, trying to get them right. They're finally starting to look good. I'm hoping they'll dry in time for Saturday. I'm pretty excited about this cake, if I can pull it off.

On the IVF front, I went in for my last blood test on Thursday, and my HCG levels were finally down to 0. So we're starting a fresh cycle now. The plan is to do a stimulated (fresh) cycle and harvest, and transfer the one frozen embryo we have left from last time. We could've gone ahead and done just the frozen cycle, but with only one embryo to transfer, I preferred to do a fresh so that we could have additional embryos ready to go in case the one embryo didn't make it or didn't take.

So we're back to square one - I'm a little more hopeful, since things went better this last cycle, but we're still not quite where we want to be. This is a long, long road.

Alright, time to get back to petunia making.

It's Over...Almost

2010-06-12T21:21:38Z

Just got my beta (blood test) #2 results for today, and my HCG level is 15, so this officially isn't going to be a viable pregnancy. My doctor wants me to stop my medications and go back Thursday for another blood test just to make sure my HCG levels go down to 0. If they don't (and with my luck they won't), it's possible I have an ectopic pregnancy.

]]> Today's news wasn't a huge surprise to me - I took a home pregnancy test after I got the call Thursday and then took another one on Friday, and the line was even fainter on Friday. I was hoping that my level today would be 0, if it was going to be bad news, just to have it over with, but of course nothing goes simply. On the bright side, on the scale of terrible things I've had to go through, a chemical pregnancy isn't even close to the high end. I'm just grateful it'll be an early miscarriage and not a later one.

In the meantime, I'd love to just crawl into a hole and make the rest of the world go away. Because my bitterness right now? It's nuclear.

So, More Waiting

2010-06-10T19:29:53Z

Well, I didn't get raging good news this morning from my blood test results. My HCG levels from today weren't 0, but they were only 13, which is very low (my doctor likes to see it between 30 and 90). Which means that something implanted, but the chances of this turning into a viable pregnancy are pretty low. So I have to go back in on Saturday for a follow-up blood test to see if the number doubles or drops. I'm trying to hold onto some sliver of hope, but this is definitely not the news I was hoping for. But, fingers still crossed until we know for sure.

Updates

2010-06-04T04:43:59Z

I'm terrible at keeping things updated, I know. I spent the last two days pretty much lounging around in bed, you would think I would've found some time to blog.

]]> Our embryo transfer was on Tuesday, and happily enough, both of our two best blastocysts made it through the thaw. So we were able to transfer both without having to thaw the third. Which means that we still have at least one good one that's frozen (we may have a few others that could be usable, but they'd need to be retested) in case we need it.

So there's one big hurdle left, and that's actually getting pregnant. My blood test is next Thursday, so in the meantime I'm just taking it easy (which is even easier to do now that I'm not working), crossing my fingers and toes, and trying to think positive. I'm scared to get my hopes up.

Our ultrasound tech said something pretty funny to us after the transfer (she's a really nice lady, and I've had her do my cycle scans countless numbers of times) - she reminded us that the embryos wouldn't fall out, so we shouldn't worry about that, and that if I coughed or sneezed I should just think of it as giving them a little hug. Marc and I had a good chuckle over that.

I was allowed to move around a little more today, so I went for acupuncture in the morning, and then a hair appointment in the afternoon. To my horror, I had a huge patch of dried blood on the top of my head. My stylist and I both briefly freaked out about it before I realized that it was from the acupuncture. It looked pretty gross.

So yeah, I haven't spent my first week off of work doing all that much, but I'm not complaining!

One last thing - I already shared this on Facebook and Twitter, but my LOST cupcakes did indeed get featured on allthingscupcake.com! I was pretty tickled about it. If I'd known someone was going to find them interesting enough to write about, I would've spent more time on them!

And yeah, I tried to make it through a whole post without mentioning LOST, but I just couldn't do it. ;)