The Bad Bone

So yesterday Marc and I came home from work, and as I walked into the kitchen, I noticed a slightly bad odor in the house. I asked Marc if he smelled it, and he said, "It's probably just from the stupid cats." Which was entirely plausible, as lately Snuggles has had BAD gas, and one of them has been stinking up the litter box.

We got upstairs, and the smell was worse. Marc groaned, and went to go clean the litter box. The problem was, presumably, solved.

But as I walked around upstairs, the smell just wouldn't go away. I didn't see anything in the bedroom or in the hallway. I became suspicious, and my thoughts immediately went to Bandit's new bone. I'd just given it to him the day before. It's a big old beef bone, and it was covered in fats and all sorts of other gross things that dogs love. And I remembered that the fats and stuff tended to upset his sensitive little stomach, and that he'd been in the house all day.

So my next thought was, THE LOFT. As I climbed up the stairs, the odor became steadily worse, until I almost gagged. I knew what I was going to find was going to be ugly. And sure enough, when I got to the top of the stairs, there it was: the source of that unholy smell. It looked like Bandit's colon had exploded all over the floor.

Bandit, who normally follows me everywhere, didn't even follow me up to the loft. He just waited at the bottom of the stairs.

I went downstairs and grabbed some paper towels and a bag, and asked Marc where the Resolve was. He scowled and asked, "Why???" I told him I'd found the source of the smell, and that I might need some assistance.

The look on Marc's face when he saw it was not pretty. As we were cleaning up the mess, he said to me, "You don't need to blog about this. It's embarrassing." Which it is, but I'm blogging about it anyways.

At one point I said to him, "You know, this is probably good practice for if and when we have kids. I mean, if you can clean up THIS, you're pretty ready to handle anything."

Marc said, "KIDS DON'T SHIT ON THE FLOOR."

I just said, "I'm sure some do," and went back to cleaning the carpet. (Note to parents: I actually don't know if kids poop on floors, I'm sure they don't, although I did see one clip on "America's Funniest Home Videos" where a kid without a diaper peed on the floor in front of the TV.)

We ended up having to go buy some more Resolve for the carpet, as we ran out of what we had.

An hour later, I was sitting at the computer while Marc was ironing his shirts. He came down the hallway and said, "What the hell??? Bonnie, WHY DOES IT SMELL WORSE?"

I told him I didn't smell anything, and maybe it just hadn't aired out totally.

Then I went downstairs to go feed the fish, and was assaulted with the same smell. NO WAY, I thought. I walked around, and found fresh crap on the family room floor. Luckily, this cleaned up easily. Why Bandit didn't alert us and decided to take yet another dump in the house while we were home, I don't know.

He did end up waking each of us up during the night to go out. Damn bone.

Needless to say, today he is outside.