Another Two-Week Wait

I'd gotten the call early in the afternoon, and the news wasn't too much of a shock. Given the state of all my embryos, and the fact that we'd only transferred one that had looked fairly poor on Day 3, I think it was a long shot. I did end up taking a home pregnancy test on Saturday, and it was negative. I didn't feel like taking any more after that, so I just waited until my blood test yesterday to get the official news.

It's always crappy when you get a call from someone with Very Bad News. I can tell from their voices and their choice of words at the outset that what they're going to tell me isn't good. If they drabble at all, like, "Are you in the car right now?" or "How are you feeling?" you know it's bad.

My doctor informed me that she'd also gotten the results from the biopsy of the one remaining embryo (the one they'd contaminated), and the answer was that there were no results. Again. This time, they'd sent 6-8 cells, and there was still no diagnosis. No DNA, nada. She said it was "unprecendented" and that she was really at a loss to explain what was going on.

It's never good when your doctor is baffled, right? I have no clue what could be going on - I'm taking their word for it when they say they haven't had these kinds of problems with PGD, but I find it hard to believe that they could fail to get any DNA from these biopsies unless something got screwed up somewhere.

It sounds like they're still going to cut us a break on the next cycle even though there wasn't a diagnosis, so I guess there's a silver lining in here somewhere.

We have an appointment with our doctor in two weeks to talk about what happened this cycle, and what they might try differently the next cycle. I'm guessing they'll change my protocol somehow, and try to, you know, not make me less fertile next time.

If all goes well (and isn't that such a loaded statement), we can try again in a month. My ovaries need to rest for this one cycle. Which I guess is good. I can use the time to exercise and enjoy being able to drink caffeine again. Peet's coffee, coke, and boba tea.

I do appreciate how supportive everyone has been - I'm an open book by nature, and writing here is often therapeutic for me, but obviously it's a public space and I don't share everything, so there are times when I feel quite alone in all this. Marc's been great though - it's tough for him too, and he's had to take care of the emotional blubbery mess I've been on top of that.

On the brighter side of things, we did go to see Up in 3D over the weekend, which was a fantastic movie. It was so, so good. I cried within the first 10 minutes and ended up fogging up my glasses.